The Blank Canvas
I have always romanticized the idea of being an “artist”. I use the term in quotes, because the truth is that I have struggled with identifying as one for years, even though with every fiber of my being I believe we are all Artists in some way.
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While admittedly I have worked hard to teach myself a technical proficiency in the art of digital photography, it’s the other types of “art” that I have always aspired to as well. I’ve dabbled in pottery and poetry, but like many, I get stopped in my tracks out of the fear and belief that I’m not “any good at it”. Several years ago, I read Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Big Magic”, and it introduced me to the idea of being creative for the sake of being creative, not because it had to be anything in particular, other than joyful, playful, and personal. It spawned an interest in learning about the creative process itself, and studying other artists and how their minds and hearts work.
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Recently I bought an easel and some watercolors. I had been playing around with some water color pens and some small scale little notebooks for a while, and felt it was time to “graduate” to having a real easel. Life on life’s terms means that it’s been a slow start for me, but it’s been fun to play around with it a few times, and to send pictures of my creations to my 11 year old niece and nephew. I find myself chuckling at how “not good” these little creations truly are, not that I am much bothered by it at this point.
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A few weeks ago, I was looking through the work of Henri Matisse, and I found myself pulling out my supplies to create a table scape of some flowers in a vase. I let it sit on the easel for a few days when I was finished. It seemed a bit juvenile, but it also made me smile when I looked at it. After about a week, I felt ready to come back and try again, and as a reminder to find a little pocket of time, I flipped the paper reel over to a blank page. And then proceeded to stare at that blank page for days. And then a few more days. Which then turned into a couple of weeks.
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Rather than being a source of frustration that I wasn’t making time for it, it began to be an interesting metaphor. The easel sits in front of a bay window in my office, directly across from where I sit for my morning routine and early jolt of caffeine. And so, for days, I would go start my day staring at that blank page. I began to realize it’s beckon. It’s call. It’s message. In a literal sense, it was inviting me, gently, me to drop by. Pick up a paint brush. Make some small strokes upon the page. But it also began to ask me deeper questions each morning as I couldn’t help but stare at it; “It’s a brand new day.” “What are you going to do with this day?”. “What are you going to create in your day today, even if it’s just a meal, or a compliment to someone you see out and about in the world?”.
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Life is busy. And for the love of all that is holy, it sure can get mundane sometimes. In fact, most weeks, life seems nothing but a series of routines, work, and schedules. It can easily feel like a forgone conclusion with no negative space to dream and create and make anew. And yet, maybe that’s just an assumption. A construct. That blank page that stared me down most mornings for several weeks? It felt like the most beautiful little gift. It felt like a reminder; you have this day. This moment now. Go and make something of it.
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Thanks, as always, for following along.
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Xoxo,
Gina
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Gina D. Graham, LCSW is a Clinical Social Worker and a Women’s Portrait Photographer in the Western Suburbs of Chicago. Gina is also the author of a book called Body Beautiful; How Changing the Conversation About Our Bodies Has the Power to Change the World. For more info about Gina and her work, go to lifelensandlove.com
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+++ All photography rights of @lifelensandlove