This is 50
Last week I turned 50. It’s honestly kind of surreal. I’m not sure what age I feel like I am, but it’s definitely not 50.
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Those that know me well know that I am never at a loss for things to say. Waking up to this birthday is no different; I have thoughts. I’ve also been reflecting on how interesting it is to witness your own growth and change as a human. I think I’ve changed a lot over all of these years, even in just recent ones. Without a doubt, the change that has occurred has come as a result of learning what not to do. Paying attention to what doesn’t work. And unfortunately, living with consequences now from choices made some time ago.
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“What advice would you give to your younger self?”. It’s a question that is often asked in interviews and amongst those that we look to in pop culture. I think many of us would say that no matter how sage or sound, we might not have listened much to the advice of someone older, and I include myself in this. We humans seem destined to make a certain amount of mistakes along the way, and I believe it is an integral and essential part of growing up. That being said, I did kick around a few things that I wish someone had told me, and I wish I had listened to.
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For what it’s worth, here they are:
Pay attention to your gut health: There is so much I wish I would have known. I wish someone would have told me to take a probiotic, and to cut way down on processed foods, gluten, and beer. Which leads me to my number 2.
Drink less alcohol; This one speaks for itself. But seriously. The amount of drinking in my 20’s was not good for my health and my gut. I am convinced that had I known about the effects of poor gut health and alcohol, I would have a different quality of life now.
Wear Earplugs: I love music and live shows. But I never thought much until recently about protecting my hearing. Losing 20/20 vision is bound to happen with aging, and there’s not much one can do about it. But losing hearing does and will suck. I am thinking specifically about a day at Lollapalooza early in the 2000’s. I am sure I sustained permanent hearing loss in just one show. I wish I would have thought about wearing earplugs and being more mindful of hearing loss sooner.
Boundaries and People Pleasing: This one is particularly hard for girls and women. We are conditioned to please and take care of others at the expense of the self. It’s in the water of our culture. This one is still hard for me, admittedly. But yes, learning early on about protecting my peace with boundaries, saying no, and not worrying so much about how others experience me or the world would have been helpful.
Make Honoring Your Creativity a Practice: I didn’t realize I was “a creative person” until my mid-30’s. When I realized how much I had always craved and needed a creative outlet and began to explore and express it, my whole world changed. Now I see creativity woven into everything, and I believe that everyone is creative in their own way. Creative living has truly become a practice and an essential for me, and the benefits of seeing the world through this lens has been incredibly impactful on my life and wellbeing.
Stay in your own lane: “Comparison is the thief of Joy”. All the platitudes ring true. I wish I would have known to just put my head down and focus on my own paper. So much suffering ensues when we convince ourselves that we or our situations aren’t “good enough” based on some random metric or another person.
Know your enneagram number and that of your partner: This one is huge for me. I spent most of my life not really understanding my nature and feeling like so much about the way that I’m wired needed to change. The Enneagram is a type of “personality test” that breaks down 9 types of people in the world, that can all be expressed in a myriad of ways. When I took the test a few years back and really learned about the results and what it meant for me, both as a strength and as areas for personal growth, it made me feel far less alone, and helped me to truly fit some pieces together about how I think and what motivates me. The same goes for knowing my husband’s number. It goes a long way in a relationship to know that people don’t fundamentally change, and to allow for there to be reasons for differences in relationships. We and our partners literally see the world through totally different colored lenses. This was a game changer for me.
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I’ve got lots in the works for this year and beyond. I’ll share more later, but for now I’ll just say that I’m deeply grateful to God for my health, my family, my friends and the quiet, knowing of what I hope is to come.
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And in spite of the wrinkles, the aches and pains, and life lived to the full over all of these decades, I know that I’m lucky to be here with air my my lungs and sun upon my face. Not everyone is so fortunate and I will try to take this blessing and do something meaningful with it.
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Thanks, as always, for following along.
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Xoxo,
Gina
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Gina D. Graham, LCSW is a Clinical Social Worker and a Women’s Portrait Photographer in the Western Suburbs of Chicago. Gina is also the author of a book called Body Beautiful; How Changing the Conversation About Our Bodies Has the Power to Change the World. For more info about Gina and her work, go to lifelensandlove.com
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+++ All photography rights of @lifelensandlove